I Have Been Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!

Oh, yes you hear me right! I have been stupid and I just realized it today. I didn't realize it until the Lord speaks to my heart through His Word preached by a man of God from South Africa. When I first listened to him, I felt quite normal and basically thought this, " Well, I knew that one, too brother!" Until when he told a story about his kids who knocked the door of his room to remind him to be hurry because they were running late. He was in his room having a quiet moment with the Lord. He then answered his kids that unless someone is dying, they should never again knock on his door when he's having a quiet moment with the Lord. He told them that nobody is so important that they can't wait for him, but the Lord. He then told them that he was doing that because the time He spent with the Lord is the reason why he could make their mother happy. So, after that the kids also did the same without him knowing until one day when he came to check for his boys and he found out that they were reading the Word of God even after such a long day of studying. When he told them to sleep because he knew how tired the boys were, they replied him that they didn't want God to wait for them. So, they were having the evening quiet moment even they were surely tired.

You see, that moment my eyes were opened and realized how I have been stupid. I'm often in rush and have many excuses for why I couldn't have a quiet moment. I use my busyness, bad mood, tiredness, etc. for the reason why I can't have a regular quiet moment with the Lord daily.  Now it must stop! Nobody is so important that they can't wait for me, unless someone is dying. I realized I have treated God very poorly by letting Him wait for me, while I don't let other people or things wait. How could I say that God is my everything when I didn't prioritize Him? How could I say that I love The Lord when I treated Him like He is unimportant to me? I would surely make an effort to have a quality time with someone I love, but why I didn't do it for The Lord? Lord Yeshua, I'm so sorry! Forgive me that I have been treating You the way I shouldn't. I should do a lot better than that.

I have been pondering and grieving for my depressing working life for almost 7 years. Did God make mistake when He put me at my current workplace? Absolutely no! Can't He provide me with better job that I don't need to deal with difficult people? Definitely yes!  So, why am I here then? Today that question is answered with more challenging questions. Have I treated God the way I should? Have I spent good amounts of quality time with Him? Do I deserve His blessings despite my shortcomings? The answer to those questions is....unfortunately No! *head bowed
I wish I realized it a lot earlier, but it's better now than never. Thank you, Lord for your constant love to me, even though I don't deserve it. So, from now on, I promise that I won't ever neglect a quality time (quiet moment) with God. It's not because I'm after His blessings only, but for all the love He has shown me. If I don't want to be rude to the people who love me, why then I'm rude to the One who loves me more than anyone in my life? Life might be busy and challenging, but may I not forget His love by neglecting Him the quiet moment. After all, those time I spent with Him is the reason why I have joy and strength regardless my circumstances. I have been depriving myself and it was the stupidest thing I've ever done. Now is the time to stop and change for a better me! Obviously not by my own might, but by His grace I will be diligent and able to do so. Praise the Lord!